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These well-reviewed 2.75″ wedges from Clarks look like just the thing for the almost-fall weather we’re having. I like the black, but they also come in brown. They’re $110. Clarks Bassett MineSales of note for 3.28.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Painful Pelvis says
Has anyone used a pelvic support band for pelvic pain during pregnancy and found it helpful? If so, can you recommend what you used? I’m 25 weeks and have started having horrible, but intermittent, pain in the under-p**ic hair area. I had this with my first, although it started a little later, and it just spread and got worse and worse until it hurt to even walk during the last month, so I’m trying to avoid that extreme discomfort this time around. Thanks!!
CPA Lady says
This doesn’t exactly answer your question, but I thought I’d put this out there because I’ve been using a support band for other reasons and I love it– I have been using the “It’s You Babe” mini cradle as a back/stomach support band, and I really like it. I haven’t had pain in the region you’re describing, but this support band definitely lifts my stomach up some, which I would imagine would help in your situation too, if the problem is that the weight of your stomach is pressing on something and causing you pain. It helps my back, and, even better, it helps me be able to walk around without having that heavy, breathless, my stomach is going to explode and fall off feeling. I don’t think I could wear a dress (or something without a waistband) without one at this point. I ordered my mini cradles off of amazon for about $12 each. I got one in each of my two possible sizes, and I’m just now growing out of the smaller one at 34 weeks.
The support bands I have are basically just big elastic bands with hook and eye closures like the back of a bra. I didn’t want one of the huge elaborate contraptions with straps and Velcro and all kinds of stuff like that. You can’t see these under clothes at all. In my experience, they stay put very well, and you can move the band up or down to target different areas for support.
hoola hoopa says
I tried a few bands with my second. All were variations on the wide elastic band. I hated the Medela one, and the one I ended up liking the most I *think* was Motherhood (it was a hand-me-down). They helped but were by no means a cure. I found them to be obnoxious and unnecessary when I was mostly sitting, but they were helpful when I’d be on my feet. You may want to try a spanx or blanqui type of support. I’ve heard good things for general comfort.
Seeing a chiropractor will help. Since you’re ligaments are so stretchy when pregnant, you’ll have to go routinely because you’ll be chasing the pain so to speak, but it’s worth it.
And GET YOURSELF IN A POOL. That will help immensely as well. Ideally you can do a water aerobics class while DH and kid 1 do free swim a couple of times each week, but even just walking in the pool for 30 min will give you relief.
Lillian says
I would recommend trying a PT or at least buying a book on how to relieve this sort of pain during and after pregnancy. My PT has one in her office, I forget the name, but I assume it is the one that comes up on amazon if you search for “pelvic pain during after pregnancy.”
Kat G says
oh! oh! i got this! I had SPD too with both pregnancies but it was WAY WAY better with Harry because I saw a PT every 2 weeks, did my homework daily, and made a few other big changes. I also saw an MD who specialized in rehab issues, usually post-pregnancy, but she saw me during my pregnancy. All suggestions below are from this pregnancy — I did nothin’ with my pregnacy with Jack because I didn’t know better and had no idea how horrible the pain would get.
SPD Suggestions:
– wear a belt to help distribute the weight of the baby more evenly, such as the Gabrialla belt amzn.to/1zd0G3Z
– the MD suggested the Serola belt, which stabilizes your hips. I wore BOTH belts on long walks from week 30 on, and both on a daily basis as the pregnancy got farther along. (I tried wearing it at night but it didn’t make that big of a difference for me.) I think the Gabriella belt may have caused some back pain issues with me (the PTs said something about my sacrum?) but in the end it was worth it
amzn.to/YJjDjz
– Keep your knees together when doing things like rolling over at night, getting out of cars, etc…
– STOP CROSSING YOUR LEGS. I’m really bad about sitting without my legs crossed (or folded beneath me) — just quit it now.
– Put a banker’s box (filled with books or papers — or something fancier, but that height) under your feet at your desk. Something about the height helped and it also helped me keep my legs uncrossed.
– Get a pillow to sleep with between your legs at night to keep your hips level. I got the Boppy pillow but if space had allowed I’d have gotten one of those full body pillows. (This is the one I got: amzn.to/1q206EW )
– If you do swim avoid the breast stroke — the frog kick isn’t best for SPD.
– Wear shoes everywhere. I’m not proud of it, but Crocs became my house slippers during the pregnancy. (Rec’d by my podiatrist, not, obvs, chosen for style.)
– If you can, stop carrying a shoulder bag or diaper bag — switch to a backpack instead. Lighten the load as much as possible. I really got into my Mosey backpack (rec’d a few weeks ago – http://corporettemoms.com/open-thread-5/) during my pregnancy.
– If you have a choice of seating choose the one that puts you at a 90 degree angle or less, not more than that.
– You may want to get this book (amzn.to/1t086sR ) from Amazon also — I wouldn’t recommend doing the exercises without talking to your PT about them (my PTs went through the book and put stickers next to the ones they thought were good — but some of them they thought were really lousy suggestions), but there were some helpful tips on the little things that can become difficult with SPD — standing up, getting dressed, picking your other child up, etc.
– Finally: You probably know this from your first pregnancy, but: KEEP WALKING FOR EXERCISE, as long as you can. If you have to break a 40-minute walk into two 20 minute walks, do it — but keep your muscles strong to help your recovery postpartum.
Good luck! I had great success managing my pain with pregnancy #2 — with Jack I hit about 7 out of 10 on the pain scale, every day, during weeks 36-42, with it shooting up to an 11 when I tried to do stuff like stand up. My memory is that it was worse than my labor. With Harry, though, it never got above a 3, barring one weekend where we visited my parents and I didn’t have my pillow/box/other ergonomic stuff and something popped out of alignment — that was fantastically painful. It popped back on its own, but the MD I saw also said that a good PT would be able to work with me if it popped out of alignment again. FWIW I just saw a regular PT — because I was going so often I wanted someone who would be very convenient to get to; I figured I could see a specialist PT if they didn’t help.
ELL says
No idea about the band, but my cranial-sacral therapist gave me exercises that resolved my pelvic pain. Might be something to look into.
So sorry you’re suffering!
Painful Pelvis says
Me again – just got back from the midwife (had my regular appt this morning) who thinks it might be symphysis pubis dysfunction and has referred me to a PT who specializes in women’s issues. Of course, the PT can’t fit me in for a month (which I hope is a sign that she’s good!) so I’m still going to get a band and try some swimming – the only pregnant lady swim class offered by me is the same time as my beloved pre-natal yoga class, but our local indoor pool has free swim daily so I think I’ll just try that. Googling this condition was sort of an “aha” moment – the symptoms fit the pain I had last time to a T, so I’m a little annoyed that my OB didn’t do anything but tell me “it will go away after birth” last time, but oh well.
hoola hoopa says
Great news! There’s a shortage of PTs trained in pregnancy-related issues, so a month wait is standard IME. I think I had to wait 8 weeks for my first visit, and it was well-worth it.
FWIW, I didn’t have a convenient prenatal water class, so I just attended a regular one. The instructions IME are familiar and comfortable with people adapting the workouts because the classes tend to attract people who are recovering from an injury, etc. Open swim obviously will work well, too, though. GL!
Kat G says
great news! again you may want to try seeing a regular PT who’s very convenient to get to — mine really just gave me homework to strengthen my hip muscles to help stabilize the pelvis — and then when you see the specialist you can have her evaluate the work you’ve been doing with your regular PT.
agree re: that a-ha moment — in my first pregnancy I had NO idea what the heck was wrong with me and it never occurred to me that it was a bone alignment issue so I kept googling totally wacko things. My doctor was ZERO help. (should have been a sign — long story but she was lousy in general.)
Painful Pelvis says
Thanks, Kat! I remember last time it was insane every time I got up to walk from about week 34 on – it’s really encouraging to hear that you were able to manage the pain the second time around. And lord, do I hear you on the Dr. thing. My midwife is so much more proactive and supportive with pain management than my former OB was – she’s part of an OB practice and delivers at the hospital and is supportive of medical intervention if I want it (epidurals are AOK in her book) so I really feel like I’m getting the best of both worlds.
hoola hoopa says
If your kids spend their day in a different city where you spend yours (ie, if you commute to work and they are in daycare/school at home), what do you do about emergencies or very bad traffic days?
We recently moved from the city (where we were all within ~10 min of each other and home) to the suburbs. Now my husband and I work ~45 min in standard rush hour traffic from home. A 60+ min evening isn’t unusual, though. The kids are in school/daycare near our home. We each drive our own cars, but our offices are relatively close by, so we have essentially the same commute.
We’re terrified of what would happen if the kids had an emergency and it would take us 45-70 min to get to them, or if there was a really horrible traffic day and we’re very late to pick them up from school or other activity. Daycare will stay (and charge) but I don’t know what would happen at school, etc. I figure many families have gone through this before, though. Do we make friends with parents who stay local (work in home town or SAH)? Should one of us find a new job closer to home (not ideal and of slim possibility)? Other options?
mascot says
If you are stuck in traffic and cannot get to your child, the school will not abandon them. Yes, you may have to pay extra, but your child will be safe. If there is a terrible weather event, the school will not abandon them (google the teachers and staff that had impromptu slumber parties in school gyms during the Atl snowstorm this year). If there is an emergency where your child cannot wait to be carried by you to the doctor, it’s probably bad enough that an ambulance needs to come anyways.
Would it be helpful to have a friend or neighbor as a backup plan? Of course and a good idea. But for peace of mind, if it all goes south and your plans all fall through, your child will be ok. At least this is how we’ve rationalized this.
Spirograph says
That’s how we’ve rationalized too, although we are dealing only with daycare and not school. We have a wonderful in-home provider who understands that traffic happens in the DC area, and told us her pay-extra late policy is really just there to prevent repeat offenders taking advantage. We haven’t been late yet, but I know it’s only a matter of time (ha, no pun intended). We have specifically requested that in a true emergency, she just call an ambulance. For a fever or “normal” injuries, an hour is totally doable for us at non-rush hour times.
Luckily, my husband and I work in opposite directions and only share a tiny portion of the beltway for our commutes, so it’s unlikely we would both be stuck. Still, we also each know about 5 alternate ways home (including public transportation) that take longer than normal traffic on our normal routes, but usually save us if our normal route is hosed for some reason.
My son still needs a car seat, so other parents aren’t a great option… even though I have a couple SAHM neighbors with older kids who’d probably be happy to help. In general, I’d rather have my son stay put until DH or I can get to him, anyway.
Anon says
My guess is if you’re in a metro area, there are other parents in the same boat and the schools/daycares are somewhat used to this, and you won’t be the only parent in this situation. While I’ll caveat that we’ve only dealt with daycare emergencies, not school, I work a full hour away from daycare as well and even though my husband is closer, he has a job he can’t just leave in the middle of the day in most circumstances. When our child has gotten sick, they’ve isolated him in the director’s office or the employee break room (which has a couch where kids can lay down) until I can get there. We haven’t had an early closure due to weather yet (knock on wood), but last year the electricity randomly went out at the center and everyone had to come get their kids. I missed the call (I was in a deposition) and my husband didn’t even get one (not sure why, still). When my husband got there at the normal time to pick our kid up, he was the only one left – but the teachers stayed with him and did not charge us extra. It was still light out, so our child wasn’t scared or anything. It was just fine. I also keep extra alert on days when bad weather is forecast – like I said, it hasn’t been an issue yet, but there was a storm a few years ago in the DC area that caused a total commute breakdown and I live in terror of that happening again. If that ever seemed like a huge risk and school hadn’t been cancelled in advance (they’ve become a little trigger happy at cancellations since then), I’d consider working from home that day if at all possible, or choosing a commute that might be less likely to get screwy even if it takes a little longer under normal circumstances (like metroing in instead of driving).
Anon says
Oh and in a true medical emergency, our daycare has our authorization to take our kid to the hospital and they have our insurance info. So if he really needed to go RIGHT NOW, they would take him, and we would meet them at the hospital. They have his pediatrician’s info as well. Not ideal, obviously, but it does give some peace of mind.
Anon eagle says
I think we use the same daycare center
Anon says
Oak Hill? Or did another daycare center randomly lose power (because that would be sorta funny).
hoola hoopa says
Thanks, all. These are really helpful. We didn’t grow up with our parents commuting, so it’s all new (and surprisingly scary) for us.
Great tips, anon eagle.
It hadn’t occurred to us that in a weather emergency, many other families would be late, too. That’s reassuring.
My kids’ schools also have authorization to take them to the ER, but one of my kids has a severe nut allergy and the idea of them going to the ER without even one of us being there for the first hour is awful. It’s terrifying enough when you’re 10 min away (as I was once). That’s probably where the majority of our anxiety is coming from.
anon eagle says
Hi Hoola. My partner and I both take a commuter bus to the city and the babies stay at a daycare in the suburbs near our home.
1. Yes, make friends with a parent from your daycare. My daycare mom-friend works south of the daycare (opposite of evening rush hour traffic) and she drives her car to work. I wish I had a SAHP-friend but I’m terrible at reaching out to people and I am quite the introvert.
2. When daycare calls me, I always let the call go to voice mail. I check the voice mail right away to assess whether it is an emergency (fever) or an admin call. If it is a fever call, I will immediately start wrapping up my work for the day and I will notify my supervisor that I must leave. This takes about 10 mins. THEN I call back daycare to let them know I just received the message and I am on my way (and the 1 hour clock will start ticking then). The commuter buses don’t run until the afternoon so I have practiced 2 different routes home (metro/taxi) so I am comfortable taking alternative transportation home.
3. I work for the fed gov and they are pushing employees to increase their telework. I am very thankful that I am allowed to work from home 2 days/week.
4. If the babies’ health is questionable that morning, I will ask to swap my telework day so I can be nearby in case I get THE CALL.
5. I go into work super early (0600-0630) so I can leave early and avoid some of the rush hour traffic and have plenty of time before daycare closes.
6. If there is a huge local emergency, you will not be the only one that will not be able to get to daycare. During a winter ice storm, the interstate was shut down and some people were not able to pick up their children until 9 pm. Our daycare did not charge anyone for the overtime and one daycare employee walked to a nearby McDonald’s to get the stranded children some dinner.
Anon for this... says
…because intensely personal. But here goes. After you gave birth, how long did it take for you and your husband/SO to start gardening again? I am asking because I am now 7 months postpartum and we have not done the deed once….and I don’t feel bad about it at all. In fact, I feel like I could not possibly fit it into my life. But I feel bad about feeling that way, and I’m sure it’s not good for our relationship. I’ve heard that some people don’t start gardening again until after weaning, so I am trying not to beat myself up about it. But am I completely off base? What has been your experience?
JJ says
I think a lot depends on what your significant other’s thoughts are about this. It took a long while for me to feel back to normal emotionally there, but I figure it’s because I had a baby that was always on me. I either didn’t need intimacy because I was so happy cuddling my baby- or, on bad days, the last thing I wanted was another person pawing at me. It probably wasn’t until I weaned and made it to roughly nine months postpartum before I felt normal again. Now the hard part is just making time and not just sleeping…
anon says
It was nine months for us. Nursing changed what I felt comfortable with. I started leaving on a cute bra for fooling around because him paying attention to the girls made me think of nursing. Thinking of nutsing killed the mood for me. We approached it like when we started to date….got comfortable with fooling around before full on gardening. Once we got back into the habit of it I found it really nice to connect on the non mommy level again.
anon says
After the first, six months, then it was another six months before we did it again. After the second, a year. I was BF-ing both times which can kill the libido. When I went down to nursing once a day, my libido came ROARING back and sex was terrific- which resulted in baby 2 the first time I ovulated. The same thing with baby 2, except I wisely had an IUD put in. Seriously, sex was never this good before kids and we were married awhile before having kids. My inhibitions are a lot lower and I think that not being on birth control pills helps with sex drive too.
hoola hoopa says
This is for Anon for this… above.
Totally normal. This sums up my experience perfectly: http://themomedit.com/2014/02/sex-after-baby/
It can vary from person to person and from pregnancy to pregnancy. Sometimes you bounce back, but sometimes (usually) you don’t. Weaning plays into it, but not entirely. I’ve always weaned around the same time (18-24 months) and have had vastly different experiences. Your physical recovery and mental / sleep status are really important, too.
In the post partum period when my drive is completely gone, I make sure it happens once a week for my husband’s sanity. It may not be romantic or mind blowing, but it happens. It’s a major part of what makes him feel loved and secure, so it’s very important for us. YMMV.
(former) preg 3L says
This article was so incredibly reassuring and helpful. Thanks.
Anonk says
Totally agree, such a great article and the sitch with me and my friends too. With several of us, sex was so rare that we could tell our docs exact date of conception with second and third kids. I’m always amused/horrified/jealous at those babycenter posters and the like talking about how they couldn’t wait to DtD and went for it before their ob’s blessing postpartum… like they’re teenagers or something!
Me too says
Also loved that article. We waited at least 4-5 months, it took a few tries for it to work even then, and I was uncomfortable for a few more months. My son is 1.5 and I could still take it or leave it 99% of the time now, but I make an effort. I know my husband is frustrated by the infrequency, but I just can’t. Like JJ said… I feel like carrying a child and then having it cling to me for another year+ (not that I don’t love baby cuddles) has just overloaded my system and I want my body to myself. We took a sans-toddler vacation this summer and that helped at the time, but we went back to once-a-week as soon as we got home.
CM says
Not a mom, or even a mom to be yet, but I thought y’all would be the best to give advice here. When and/or why did you decide to have kids? For my husband and I, it is a very conscious decision to start trying as I’m on the pill. We’re both fairly young still (I 25, hubby is 27) but he is concerned about waiting as his brothers have all had problems (one was the brother’s fault, the other they aren’t sure) and my mom had a really hard time conceiving. I’ve also already had some abnormal cells in my cervix removed, though my doctors have said that won’t affect conception but it could affect going to term but it wasn’t a major concern. Between the family problems with conception and the fact that our parents are all in their 60s and showing signs of poor health, he really wants to start trying now.
I don’t have really any strong reasons to not want kids, especially considering we’ll be debt free excluding our mortgage in Jan. 2016 and have well paying, stable jobs in IT (and could very easily find another job should something happen to either of ours). A lot of friends have said that you’ll constantly come up with reasons to not have kids – and then never do. So, I wanted to hear if others had the same sorts of feelings, and what caused you do decide to have kids and if you would have changed anything. Thanks a ton, and my apologies if this is too personal for folks to talk about.
anon says
Is it that you want kids, but just maybe not yet, or that you’re overall not sure? (Both are certainly valid – just different perspectives). I fell into the latter camp. And now I’m pregnant and I’m still a little unsure. ;) I am 33, my DH is 36, and honestly, after my most recent birthday I realized that I was as ready as I ever might be. I did have health issues to consider (though not reproductive), so it took a couple of years for me to get my health into the right place. It’s so cliched, but it is so true that I personally would have never felt 100% ready.
If you know you want kids, just maybe not yet, perhaps you switch to a barrier BC method and you can see how your cycle shakes out, etc. and your DH can get a sperm count test (assuming this is his concern) to set your minds at ease.
Anonk says
Tough Q. For me I had no Q – met my hubs late, gave ourselves a year to enjoy the marriage, then started trying and got pregnant, thankfully, very easily. It all worked out fine, but it have regrets in both directions – I regret not spending more time as a newly married, childless couple… And I regret being such an old mom (mid30s) that my toddler can seriously run laps around me.
I think I agree with anon above – switch to barrier bc, get to know your cycle (get that book, taking charge of your fertility), and maybe get your husband’s speemcount tested… Plan a vacation or two (think wine tasting or exotic relaxing vacation like Bali) … Then figure out where you are. Enjoy each other now though!
Anon for too many identifying details! says
My husband and I both always knew we wanted kids, so for us it was just a question of timing. We were both 29 when my oldest was born, and we’d been married about 4 years, together for 7.5. We didn’t want to be “old” parents, and we wanted 2-3 kids with 2ish year gaps between, so … everyone says you never feel ready, and that was definitely true for us. We just couldn’t think of any more reasons to put it off, so I went off BC. For me, it was just like jumping in the pool even though it’s cold, because it’s not like it’s going to warm up while you stand there, and you know it will be OK once you get in. We both had “oh crap, what did we do?!” feelings from the day I chucked the pills through my entire first pregnancy, but I don’t regret anything.
Things that were important for us to do before having kids:
1. Be a couple together. We met when stationed overseas in the military and traveled internationally extensively while we were dating. We always had enough money for the lifestyle we wanted, and we truly enjoyed ourselves. We wanted to do the childfree years really well so we wouldn’t have any resentments or regrets about our lives being taken over by tiny tyrants.
2. Job security/financial stability. My husband was still in the military when we got married, and knew he wasn’t going to make it a career, so we put off kids until he was out and had a job. We both have secure and well-paying jobs, are debt free (except mortgage) and we had built up comfortable savings. Honestly, I think we’d have gone ahead with TTC even if we didn’t have our 6 month emergency fund in place, but it made the decision that much easier.
That was it. Neither of us is career-driven enough that we were worried about the impact a family would have on our trajectory, moving closer to family was not a possibility, and we couldn’t think of anything else worth factoring in.
Fortunately, fertility difficulties do not run in our families and our parents are going strong, so I can’t say how those would have impacted me. But really, I think the decision when/if to have kids should be about you and your husband. I wouldn’t ask whether you feel ready, because you probably never will. I would ask whether you feel NOT ready for any reason. Any reason at all. Even if your life is in order on paper, there are a lot of intangibles that could tip the balance. If you can’t think of anything, *I* would say sooner is as good or better than later, but if you’re not sure, you’re young enough that you can sit on that decision for a bit.
Regarding your comment on the health stuff: I’ve had 3 surgeries on my cervix and got pregnant after the 1st and 3rd ones. I didn’t have any problems with the pregnancies, although I had a lot more OB appointments than normal so they could keep a close eye on things. That is totally anecdotal, but I just wanted to give you a tiny bit more peace of mind, because my doctors were very dire about the possibility for scarring and subsequent difficulty conceiving, and then cervical incompetence if I did get pregnant, and I was really worried about it.
That was a book, sorry!