How to Deal When Your Family Makes You Feel Judged

how to deal when you feel judged as a working motherThere was a recent NYT article that reported that most mothers feel judged — and that their own families are their toughest critics. We’ve talked about mommy guilt before, but not about this, so let’s discuss: Do YOU feel judged by your family members for your parenting decisions (such as discipline, sleep, and diet) or lifestyle decisions (such as “choosing” to work outside the home)? Who is more likely to criticize you: your parents or your partner? What are your best tips for how to deal when you feel judged as a working mother or in general?

Here’s a couple of quotes from that NYT article:

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Date Nights for the Win!

date nights for working momsHere’s a fun topic for today: how often do you get date nights with your spouse? Is it a regular event or an “as available” kind of thing? How fancy do you get for your date nights? Do you have any tips for new working moms about date nights?

For my $.02: We try to do a date night once every two weeks — where possible we have family babysit the kids, because otherwise it can feel pretty expensive just to leave the house (if the babysitter costs $20/hr, you’re gone 3 hours, and then you pay for a car home and for her dinner if timing requires it…). Personally I prefer to either do dinner or an activity with just the two of us or to get together with another couple — I hate to “waste” a date night on a movie or something else where we don’t get much opportunity to talk.  (Pro tip for those with new babies: I think it can count as a date night even if your baby is with you — when my second son was born in particular we wore him on most dates for the early months, both because he slept so much during the dates and didn’t fuss, as well as just us being uncomfortable to foist two bedtimes on a family member or sitter.)

As expensive as date nights can be, I’ve found them to be absolutely crucial to maintaining my own sanity, reconnecting with my husband, and just having a fun, grown-up time out.  Regardless of where we go I usually try to pay extra attention to makeup, hair, contacts, etc. — not so much because my husband cares but because I enjoy it and recognize it as a form of pampering, if that makes sense.

Readers, how about you — what do your date nights look like? Does anyone “swap” date nights with another family to cut babysitting expenses or anything like that? Do you prefer to put your kids down and THEN go out, or is that part of the babysitter’s tasks? 

Picture via StencilDate nights for working moms can be absolutely essential for maintaining your sanity and your relationship! Pictured: two glasses clinking on a date night for working parents.

For working moms, it can be challenging to plan and budget for date nights, especially with two working parents -- but it's so important, both for personal sanity but also for the health of the relationship. Working moms discuss how they fit date nights in.