How Did You Decide How Many Kids to Have?

How to Decide How Many Kids to Have: Working Moms Discuss!Here’s a fun topic for today: How did you decide how many kids to have? How did you decide whether to try for a second (or third, or fourth) child — or when to stop having kids? Were you influenced by an outside factor (such as money or your own health), experience (either your own childhood, your birth experience, or your general experience with your first child), hope (such as “trying for a girl” vs, say, abstaining from trying because you hoped for a promotion), or some amorphous factor (such as “feeling like everyone is here now”)? For me, the decision to both try for a second as well as to stop having kids was a combination of all of these reasons, but I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

[Read more…]

Estate Planning and Kids: Open Thread

estate planning for parentsHave you been on top of your estate planning, ladies? Once you have kids it certainly feels like a pressing issue — and yet my husband and I still haven’t sat down with a lawyer to get our wills or other details buttoned up. Whoopsies. We’ve talked about getting your accounts in order for labor, but estate planning is a bit bigger than that — and it can change with each birth depending on how things are worded and what other situations are (family members living, dying, etc.). How did you find your lawyer for a will or trust? What other estate planning did you do — and did you find any service that simplified it? (Wouldn’t it be great if there were something like MissNowMrs for estate planning for parents?)

 

[Read more…]

Job and Career Changes After Baby: Did You Make Changes? How?

Career Changes After Baby | CorporetteMomsLadies, have you made career changes after having your baby? If so, how did your career, job, and general standard operating procedures change because of family? Did you effectively plan for the change before meeting your son or daughter, or did you change plans midstream? We talked once about planning your career for babies (back when I was pregnant with Jack!) but not really since, and I’m curious for your take.

Kate recently sent me a snapshot of a local article, quoting a pregnant television producer/host:

DeTar hopes to film Fringe Benefits past the second season and expressed interest in moving into other countries and writing a companion book for the show. With a child on the way, she doesn’t expect her aspirations or goals to change.

“I feel so thankful for the timing of all of it… maybe I’m being really naive, but I don’t see anything changing,” she says. “I… have the most supportive husband in the universe, and I don’t think he would let me not continue with the show.”

This is well-timed with other stuff I’ve been seeing recently — there was a recent article in Forbes about how a lot of women become freelancers, contractors, or entrepreneurs when they become mothers. And there was a great discussion (on this site and Corporette) on how to have a baby when both parents are working in BigLaw. SO, ladies, let’s hear it — how, if at all, has your Plan changed since having kids? Were there particular deciding factors (money, time, etc.), or was it a more general sense of “everything is different now“? For those of you who HAVE adhered to your Plan (since I’m assuming, cynically perhaps, that most of us have switched gears a bit) — how much focus did it take? Were there factors that were must-haves (double nannies, SAHD, etc)?

Pictured at top: Whychus Creek, originally uploaded to Flickr by Ian Sane

—————

N.B. These substantive posts are intended to be a source of community comment on a particular topic, which readers can browse through without having to sift out a lot of unrelated comments. And so, although of course we highly value all comments by our readers, we’re going to ask you to please keep your comments on topic; threadjacks will be deleted at our sole discretion and convenience. Thank you for your understanding!

Secondary Infertility: Dealing with Your Emotions at Work

secondary-infertility-emotionsIf you’ve planned on adding a second child to your family but have had trouble conceiving (also known as secondary infertility), how do you deal with your emotions at work when no one in your office knows what you’re going through? Reader A wonders…

I am dealing with a difficult situation and I was wondering if you would consider posting something on it. I had my son 2 yrs ago and have been hoping to have another child soon after. We started trying when my son was 9 months old and have been unsuccessful for over a year now. We are finally going to a fertility clinic but the process is grueling and I find myself crying all the time. The other aspect I can’t seem to be able to control is insane jealousy towards current pregnant women or those with 2 kids (including you:). I am trying to deal with these emotions and be thankful for my son but most days it is very hard to act like everything is fine. Would love to have yours and other’s perspectives on this.

I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time of it, A; big hugs to you. I debated whether to post this question at Corporette proper, or here at CorporetteMoms, and ultimately decided that there are important differences between a conversation about this among moms versus non-moms.  So let’s discuss. (Note that over at Corporette, we’ve talked about miscarriages and the office and handling frequent doctors’ appointments (including pregnancy-related ones), as well as how to deal with hormones at the office.) [Read more…]

The Parents’ Budget

Rebecca Minkoff 'Ava' Zip Wallet | CorporetteLadies, let’s talk BUDGET. Mine has changed after having a kid (and definitely after my second) — how has yours? Do you miss the days of being a DINK? Are you going into debt for childcare (i.e., paying to work)? Is the money coming from savings? Credit cards? If you’ve made cuts for your budgeting, how keenly do you feel them? (Pictured: Rebecca Minkoff ‘Ava’ Zip Wallet, available at Nordstrom for $110; was $165.)

For my $.02: I remember hearing a lot while pregnant about kids and budgets, and to be honest, it was all noise to me. I just didn’t get it — I thought people were talking about diapers or toys or something. (I’ll wait while you catch your breath from laughing so hard.) Obviously, childcare is the tremendous expense I didn’t foresee — but other things add up, like classes (preschool and extracurriculars), food (damn those $1.40-per-pouch babyfoods), and yes, the ever-present need to purchase a seasonally-appropriate wardrobe that fits. [Read more…]

Daycares — and Waiting Lists

daycare-waiting-listHow insane are the waitlists for daycares in your area — and how many layers of backup plans did you have in case you didn’t get in on time? What was your best resource for finding a good daycare worth waiting for — friends, parents’ listserv, neighbors, mommy friends, etc? When did you really start to get anxious about it, and how did you manage the anxiety? We’ve talked broadly about other childcare arrangements, but not specifically about daycares yet.

I’ll admit that I did little to no research on daycares in our area, relying almost entirely on the recommendation of one of my brother’s friends. Anyway, they recommended one specific daycare, which I toured when I was five months pregnant (around April 2011), and we were added to the waiting list for part time attendance.

After Jack was born and I figured out that I couldn’t do this “SAHM while blogging” thing, we notified the school that we’d accept a full-time position as well.

We got the call that there was finally a part-time spot for us in March 2013. TWO YEARS LATER — and bam, we were finally in daycare. Yeouch. (We found childcare in the interim through sitters and amazing family, and when we finally got into daycare we added it to the mix instead of substituting it for something else.)

How about you ladies — did you have to wait a really long time to get into your preferred daycare? When did you first sign up for daycare or start thinking about it generally? (If you’d include your general location and/or city, that would probably greatly help the discussion!)

(Pictured: WAIT, originally uploaded to Flickr by JBrazito.)

—————

N.B. These substantive posts are intended to be a source of community comment on a particular topic, which readers can browse through without having to sift out a lot of unrelated comments. And so, although of course we highly value all comments by our readers, we’re going to ask you to please keep your comments on topic; threadjacks will be deleted at our sole discretion and convenience. Thank you for your understanding!