Finally Friday: 696 Sneaker

I seem to be the only mom my age who did not get the memo that we’re all supposed to have black-and-white sneakers. If you, like me, are hunting for a black-and-white sneaker for the weekend, this New Balance one seems to be the most popular. I see a million women wearing this, often with cropped pants and little ankle socks. It’s $80 at Nordstrom, where it’s also in a gray in case you want to buck the trend. Amazon has some other color choices as well. 696 Sneaker

This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! 

Comments

  1. Ha. I didn’t get the memo either. But I just got a pair of nearly all white w/navy adidas and I’m super excited.

    • I completely didn’t get the memo either, but I’ve been wearing my running shoes as casual weekend shoes after they’re too dead to run in…so I guess I was doing it before it was cool! My one claim to fashion trendsetting.

    • avocado says:

      I just can’t get used to the idea of New Balance as a fashion brand. They are dorky grandma/grandpa shoes! My crazy old co-worker who hasn’t bought a new tie since 1967 wears all-black New Balance sneakers as dress shoes with his “suit” composed of black Dockers and a ratty old black blazer.

      I also remember wearing sneakers like this in the 1980s. I must be getting too old to be fashionable because I have already done all of the trends once and they look dated to me. Except for Chucks. I wore Chucks in fifth grade, I’m wearing them right now, and my fifth-grader wears them too. Chucks will be cool forever.

      • EB0220 says:

        I was just going to say the same. Chucks FTW. My younger co-worker also convinced me that Vans fall into the same category. My 5 year old recently picked Vans over Chucks.

        • Anon in NOVA says:

          yess I was going to say I do low-top chucks or vans slip ons for the weekend with skinny jeans rolled at the ankle

    • I’ve only seen one woman recently wearing black and white sneakers lately and she looked too young to be a mom (or maybe she was a young mom and didn’t have children with her? Who knows.)

      I actually think these are really cute. I just have a hard time wearing sneakers with skinny jeans.

    • PSA, you can buy these and all sorts of other cute sneakers at DSW for much less than they are at Nordstrom. I totally own these, as well as multiple other pairs (including fun Converse throw-back flats!)

  2. Something to make us all laugh this morning. This is my life whenever I try to work from home!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5A1wg5FA-g&feature=youtu.be

    • OMG dying. That’s my life, too.

    • I usually hate to watch online videos but took a chance on this one. That was amazing! Thanks for posting.

    • This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Perfect timing since my daughter’s daycare is closed today, and I’m working from home while she plays with a babysitter. Thankfully, no video conferences for me!

  3. Mentee says:

    Cross posting from the main s i t e

    have a great mentor who is in a different industry (that I’m trying to transition into) and she is quite candid and open. We’ve already covered a number of topics from strategic to tactical and she’s been very helpful in thinking about priorities, etc.

    What are some of the less common or more impactful questions that you’d ask a mentor?

    For reference, I am an experienced professional (Sr Dir equivalent) and she is more experienced (SVP). Both of us have kids, mine is a toddler and hers is a teen.

    Thanks in advance hive!

  4. Paging Kindergarten boy seeking UK wedding garb says:

    I put this on yesterday’s post late last night, but for UK wedding wear, consider checking out British brands’ websites – Reiss, Coast, and Boden come to mind. They often have ‘wedding guest outfit’ sections that are pretty on target. Cb also recommends Monsoon, and stalking local wedding photographers’ instagrams for ideas!

    HTH!

    – GCA

    • Kindergarten boy says:

      Oh that was me thanks!! After I posted I realized most of you would be headed to bed soon so I appreciate your response and these suggestions are great.

  5. My son is one and I am having major mom guilt for the first time. I have the opportunity to go to an all-day seminar on a Saturday and was excited about it (it’s not for work, just personal interest). Originally my husband was supposed to stay with our son but he now has to travel for work and can’t. I have zero issues with leaving my son at daycare for 9 hours Monday through Friday and have no issue leaving him with my husband while I do me-stuff (including a four day trip). My mom is happy to watch him while I go but I am really struggling with it and thinking about cancelling. Both grandparents have watched him for a few hours here-and-there, but leaving him for 10 hours on a weekend is giving me pause. I realize this is objectively crazy, but I normally am a very decisive person and I have been struggling with this decision for 10 days now. I am hoping to get some insight on how other women handle this (or to have someone tell me what to do!).

    • mascot says:

      Don’t cancel. If this was for work, you would go to the seminar. If it was a seminar about something for your child or husband, you would go to the seminar. Going for your own self interest is just as valid of a reason as all of those. You are worth taking time for yourself. It makes you a better mother, a better wife, a better employee. You know that. Besides, he gets to spend time with another person who loves him and is happy to see him. This is a positive thing. Yay for promoting extended family relationships.

    • Somewhere along the way I read that you should question mom guilt when you’re feeling bad about doing something for yourself. That’s definitely the case here – you want to do this seminar for you. That’s a good thing! Having your own interests, self-care, and independence are all great things for your family. Go to the seminar and feel good about taking care of yourself.

    • avocado says:

      You aren’t depriving your son of a day with you, you are giving him the wonderful gift of a day with grandma!

    • (former) 3L mama says:

      In my experience, if there are personal/work things I really want to be at, that feels “clear” to me (e.g. I was back in class five days after giving birth because I really wanted to be there). When I feel conflicted or struggle with a decision, that means I should err on the side of my kid.

      I’ve always found that if I go to something that was sort of optional/I wasn’t absolutely sure about, I’m disappointed with the activity and don’t find it to be as valuable/interesting as I expected because I am comparing it against spending time with my kid.

      • This is part of my struggle. I went to a similar seminar (during work hours) recently and was disappointed in it and am concerned the same thing will happen at this one (but the stakes would be higher because I would be missing time with my son instead of work). My work is also hosting a free day at a super expensive children’s museum which I would take him to if I didn’t go.

        • (former) 3L mama says:

          I’ve (personally, so far) never been disappointed the other way – i.e. if I decide to stay home with kid, I’ve never thought, “you know, I actually wish I had been at X today.”

        • If this is the concern, could you just leave if it’s disappointing in the beginning? At least you’d have tried and then you could still go to the museum later.

          • Anon in NOVA says:

            I was going to ask this, too. If it’s not a work event, can you just leave at lunch (or the first morning break even) if you get there and it doesn’t feel worth it?

    • Anonymous says:

      Go. He will be fine. He’ll have a fun day with grandparents. Plan a special activity for the two of you on Sunday. Quality of time with kids matters, not just quantity. Does he like water? Maybe a trip to the swimming pool/splash pad on Sunday? Make a nice memory for the two of you on Sunday and it will erase any guilt over Saturday.

    • I had a similar situation last month. My daughter was 15 months old. Weekends I try to save for her/family time. But I really wanted to attend a one-day professional seminar. I felt guilty…until I was there. I found it so motivational and informative that I was glowing by the end of the day. I skipped (most) housework that weekend, and focused Sunday on daughter. It all worked out.
      Also, one thing I remind myself is that she is not going to remember this time. I’m trying to lean in more while she’s young, so that I can lean out a bit more when she’s closer to kindergarten.

    • CPA Lady says:

      My mom never did anything for herself. It made me sad. I do sometimes feel twinges of guilt about doing stuff for myself, but I just ignore them. I really think it’s setting a good example for my daughter to have a mom who has an active and happy social life and still learns new things (just started tennis lessons a few months ago). Besides, I want to have an identity of my own outside my family. I think it’s important for girls (and boys!) to see women as something other than wives and mothers.

      And if that doesn’t convince you, take comfort in the fact that most kids don’t have memories of anything other than the most major life events before age 4 or so.

      • +1. My mom never went out with friends or did things just for herself. Her life completely revolved around us kids. The older I got, the sadder I felt for her. That approach did not set a good example for me or my siblings. For most of my twenties, I was completely ambivalent about having kids because I was so afraid of not getting to be ‘me’ anymore. My mom is wonderful in so many ways, and nobody would question her devotion to the family, but she is not a role model for living a balanced life. When I finally had kids, I wrestled with mom guilt for way longer than normal, especially being a working mom. (It still happens, honestly, but I’m better about fighting against it.) Finally, I realized that if I refused to have a life of my own, I was not setting a good example for my kids at all. And I certainly wasn’t a very happy person for a few years. My 2-year-old is too young to get it, but I like that my 7-year-old sees me pursuing hobbies and making time to meet up with my friends. He needs to know that his mom is a person, too!

      • This is a really good point. When I was very young (4 or 5?) I remember my mother took a stenciling class (she also worked full time), and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I still have some of the items she stenciled. Then I think work and kids’ activities started taking up too much of her time, and she didn’t pursue any hobbies. It is a little sad now that I think about it. So, go!

      • NewMomAnon says:

        This reminded me that I was going to register for a drawing class that I’ve wanted to take for a couple years. Just did it. So excited!

      • Anon in NOVA says:

        Yesssss I don’t remember my mom doing a lot for herself, either. I have a special needs brother, so she also steadily climbed her way DOWN the career ladder as I got older. when I was young she was very senior for her age etc. I wish I remembered more about her then, to be honest.
        I struggled with guilt based off the fact my mother didn’t seem to do much for herself. But honestly, that’s part of what motivates me to maintain interests outside of my family. I want my son to grow up and know that it’s OK for his wife (if he has one) to work and have interests outside of him and their potential family.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      Go! When kid is in his 30s he’ll be proud thinking of how his mom always kept up with her passions and interests while still being a great mom.

      Also, let the grandparents do something for kid that feels indulgent — our Kiddo got (super healthy fruit) popsicles whenever grandma came to babysit at that age. Now I try to have a stash of new pads of stickers for her to play with.

  6. I have these, except the white part is a snappy blue. They look cute with skinnies or athletic-type pants. I love my new black-and-white Nikes, too. There is something to be said for a comfy pair of sneaks when you’re running around with kids on the weekend.

  7. October says:

    Since potty training is a favorite topic around here, I wanted to share an essay I came across yesterday by a pediatric urologist on the potential repercussions of training too early (before 3), including chronic constipation, reducing the capacity of the bladder, infections, etc. It was an interesting read and takes some of the pressure off (for me, at least). Caveat that it’s one expert’s view, etc. etc.

    https://www.babble.com/toddler/dangers-potty-training-early/

    • Huh. That does make me feel a little better. My 2 and a quarter year old refuses to sit on the potty. I guess I shouldn’t worry too much yet.

    • Rainbow Hair says:

      Sometimes I wonder like “wtf, why isn’t Kiddo more interested in potty training?!” (she just turned 2) — I appreciate the reminder not to push it.

    • We trained early, so I want to chime in on that perspective before anyone starts feeling bad about themselves if they train early or want to train early.

      First, every child and family unit is different. Like so many other things, each family will have to find what works best for them and their child. Potty training, like sleep training and everything else, is not one size fits all.

      Second, this doctor sees the worst issues just by the nature of his practice. So he could be correct that issues are going to arise more frequently for children that potty train early, but that does not mean that all children that potty train early will have issues.

      Third, the article points out that many children develop issues from holding pee or poop. It makes sense to me that a younger child is going to have a much more difficult time developing good bathroom habits than an older child.

      Fourth, one lesson from the article is that a child that potty trains earlier is going to need more hands-on involvement from caregivers to prevent issues. A child that trains at age 3.5 or 4 might be able to go to the bathroom on their own, be trusted to wipe and wash hands appropriately, and be in charge of themselves. But a younger child will likely need more help. For example, my daughter, trained at 26 months, needs us and her preschool teachers to set the bathroom schedule. She goes on her own too, but we make sure she goes and sits on the potty every 2 hours. I tell her that I won’t make her pee, but she must sit on the potty. Usually pee comes out. So we’re making sure she doesn’t hold it excessively. And we monitor poop daily. If she is not going on a regular basis, we give her prune juice, oatmeal, and juice and escalate as needed until she gets back on track. So it is more work for us than it probably would have been if we trained later, but we still prefer it to diapers and I am pretty sure that my daughter does too.

      My point is that anyone who wants to train early, or that did train early, shouldn’t be scared by this article. Just take it as a reminder that you need to be monitoring potty habits so that they remain healthy. And make sure that daycare and other care providers are doing the same.

      • NewMomAnon says:

        Yeah, I’m not even going to read the article. My kiddo came home at 26 months old and declared “no more diapers.” It has definitely taken more caregiver involvement than a later potty training might have. I would have preferred to do it later. But I’m not going to force my kicking, screaming daughter into diapers she hates. She’ll be fine.

        • Anonymom says:

          My kid also did the “no more diapers” thing right around her second birthday. I refuse to believe that I’ve done her harm by listening to what she wanted and was clearly ready to do.

  8. anon mom says:

    Our nanny maybe gave her four week notice this morning as her husband got an excellent job in another city and they will be moving at the end of the month. She basically said she’d be willing to just live in a hotel for the last week so we could have four weeks, but that seems like an ass move to ask her to do.

    I am freaking out. We live in a rural area in the South, far from one set of grandparents, semi-far from another set of grandparents. I have a 3 year old and 2 year old. All of the (very, very few) daycares in the region have at least a 4-5 month waiting list. The good ones have a wait list in excess of 12 months, especially for not potty trained children (2 year old). Childcare is a huge issue here – I have watched multiple parents quit their jobs because they literally could not find childcare. One grandparent could watch our kids one day a week. My husband is a teacher and can’t exactly work from home.

    I have no idea what to do. Called husband this morning and he is freaking out too. I am not trying to be melodramatic – but there is literally no childcare option whatsoever out there that we could get in the next month. Our nanny has been with our kids since they were born. Help.

    I am very open to some out of the box ideas on what to do. We’re in a house that is in the middle of being renovated and getting an au pair is probably not feasible for at least another 6 months even if we really rushed things. Help.

    • Start working your network. How did you find this last nanny? Do you have friends with nannies? How did they find them? Are there colleges nearby? People who might want to nanny share? Have you looked at all the online nanny finder services?

    • Is there a university nearby? It isn’t the most reliable thing but students might fill the gaps. Also, maybe daycares would make a waitlist exception if you were available for an immediate start (if they’ve got a space to fill due to someone else moving, etc).

    • If finding another full-time nanny isn’t possible, could you cobble together a few part-time babysitters to cover the gap? I would look at local colleges to see if they have job boards. Or do you know any stay-at-home moms who would be willing to watch your kids for extra money? My sister did that when she was living in a very rural area. An au pair is a good idea too. Are you allowed to rent a room for your au pair somewhere other than your house if you don’t have space?

      • +1 I contacted an acquaintance who was a SAHM as a short-term option when we had to immediately pull my son from his last daycare. We ended up getting a spot at another daycare, so I didn’t end up pursuing it.

    • Could one of the grandparents or another relative come live with you for a few months until an au pair was feasible? Could one of those parents you know who now stays at home watch your kids for a few months for some extra money? Could you cobble together one of those solutions until the summer when you could get a high school student or someone to watch them?

    • NewMomAnon says:

      Is your husband the kind of teacher who gets summers off? Because it’s mid-March now, you have potentially 4 weeks with the nanny which takes you to mid-April. If you get a grandparent to spend a month with you, and then you take a couple weeks of PTO, husband could be home with the kids long enough to bridge them off the waitlist at a daycare, or bridge you until your house is ready for an au pair. It sounds like you should really have an au pair….

      If he’s not off for the summer, look for a college nanny who might be available all summer. I had a number of those growing up, and they were great.

      • Lurker says:

        I know it is common in my town for teachers to take a LOA for a semester or a year, if they give the district enough notice. Would your husband be interested in doing that to cover the wait list gap in a worst case scenario? That way neither parent has to worry about quitting. NewMomAnon’s idea is great too. Cobbling it all together just a week or two at a time.

        Are you part of a church? Do you have friends that are? Even if you aren’t, you might approach a church office and ask if you can put a plea in their bulletin. My in-laws live in the rural South and they find everyone through the church bulletin – cat sitter, accountant, electrician, plumber lol. It was their Craigslist before it was cool. I’d bet there are some retired folk who wouldn’t mind some extra income watching your kids for a few months.

      • Anonymous says:

        This!

        She’s giving you 4 weeks. I wouldn’t make her stay in a hotel but do you have a spare room she could use at no cost?

        Use grandparent visits and PTO to bridge until the end of April when most universities finish. Hire college/community college student as full time nanny for the summer (social work schools, nursing schools etc often have students looking for experience).

      • Regarding an au pair: When you say that it is not feasible, do you mean not ideal or not possible? The minimum requirement for an au pair is a separate bedroom. I think if you are up front during the interview process about your house being under construction, the construction alone should not be a barrier. Also, bear in mind that the minimum amount of time it takes to get an au pair from their country to your doorstep is six weeks (unless you go with an au pair who is in country and in rematch, which is more complicated).

    • Our best resource for childcare has been our former nanny. Ask your nanny if she has any friends or relatives in the area who she trusts and thinks might be available. We don’t need a full-time nanny, but we have a list of 4-5 people who are happy to baby-sit on nights or weekends or be backup care when Kiddo is sick.

      Also, if you are religious at all, the leaders in your place of worship (or others in your area) may know of someone qualified who is looking for work and would be qualified to take care of your child.

    • Would one of the SAHM be interested in earning extra money to watch your kids to cover the gap until you find a more permanent solution?

  9. PrettyPrimadonna says:

    I bought a pair of low-profile black and white Sauconys and I am in LOVE with them. They’re perfect for leggings, athleisure, skinny jeans, and even casual dresses. Yes! To black and white sneakers.

  10. When will my daughter & I stop getting sick frequently (like every 3-4 weeks) from daycare? At some point our immune systems are exposed to everything and we’re superhuman, right?
    She’s 15 months old, and has been in daycare almost a year. I have never been so sick in my life since she was born.

    • avocado says:

      Our pediatrician told us “two illnesses a month for the first two years of day care or school.” That proved to be right. It got much, much better at the two-year mark.

    • EB0220 says:

      Yes, it does get better. Also, happily, if you’re having a second, the immunity seems to have transferred to her. We are rarely sick these days after a very rough first year of parenthood. (Knock on wood.)

    • NewMomAnon says:

      It got a lot better after the 1 year at school mark passed, but then got worse every time kiddo cut molars because she chewed on everything. Now we’re done with teething for a few years (knock on wood) and haven’t had a bad cold since the last molars popped through.

    • I hear you. I can’t tell if I’ve developed allergies since Kiddo went to daycare or if I’ve literally had a cold almost every week for a year.

  11. Does anyone know if there are summer camps/programs for little kids (3 yr olds) that are like one day a week? My twins are in preschool two mornings a week and with their au pair the rest of the time. Since we really need 50 hrs/wk of childcare and the au pair is limited to 45 hrs, we need about 5 -6 extra hours. I’m thinking of hiring a teenager or something to work a half day once a week (if we can find someone) but trying to figure out other options. They really like the chance to be with other kids at school, and one of my little guys has a speech delay and the classroom setting is really good for him. But all the summer programs I see are basically full time but for 1-2 weeks.

    • Anonymous says:

      What if you hired a teenager one full day a week and paid for a class for the teenager to take them to in the morning? Like gymnastics/soccer etc? That would provide social interaction.

      For non-teenager care, do any of the preschool teachers do afterhours care? They might be willing to work 3-6pm twice a week or similar.

    • In our area, some of the local preschools have part-time summer programs. Our preschool has programs that are 3 or 5 mornings per week. I’ve noticed that 3 is too young for local rec programs or Y programs where we are. One other idea is to check out local non-profit farms, Audubon Societies or similar organizations as they sometimes have part-time programs for the little ones.

    • I’m in suburbs of NY but same situation with AP. My kids’ preschool operates a 8-wk camp over the summer – same facilities different faculty. The default is 5 half-days/week but they do have a limited number of 3-day options which is what we’re doing. So even if you see five day camps, it’s worth asking if there are other options, even if not advertised. I know the town and synagogue also have programs in my area. Facebook groups has been the best avenue to solicit specific ideas.
      Before preschool, we also did hire a babysitter to come two mornings a week for a total of five hours/wk, so its doable but I prefer that they are in a group activity and I like not managing two caregivers.

    • avocado says:

      Our YMCA has “mini-camps” for the preschool set that run for 2-3 hours a day for a one-week or two-week session. There are a lot of similar “camps” that run for a couple hours every day for a week at places like gyms, the Little Gym, ballet studios, zoos, museums, and botanical gardens. Some of these take preschoolers. You would probably have to cobble together a bunch of different camps to cover the whole summer, though.

    • Strategy Mom says:

      Mommy’s morning out programs are a good option for a day or two a week. And the one we go to apparently feels more camp-like in the summer. they can do a max of 4 hours twice a week so could fit the bill

    • Anonymous says:

      Check local zoos, children’s theaters, botanical gardens, museums, etc for part time classes. Or even check for a local forest school. (Just today, I’ve come across botanic garden and forest school classes in Brooklyn.)

      • Maddie Ross says:

        I would specifically look at arts centers and studios. A lot of those places have half-day programs or daily classes in the summer, particularly for the younger set. Think the kind of classes that would be hard to fill an entire day with for a 3 y.o. (ballet, music, etc.).

  12. Thinking about a thing says:

    I am not sure where else to raise this topic, but I want someone to be a sounding board and I’m not comfortable raising this topic with friends because I don’t discuss disagreements with DH with friends.

    Lately, I have been feeling that my family should consider becoming a foster parent to a child whose parents are deported. I am not sure that my DH will be 100% on board with this idea.

    I am wondering how I could raise this with DH and even what points of the topic that conversation should cover to know if this is something we should explore.

    I am also wondering, is this even possible? As a foster parent, can you choose the type of child that is placed with you? Does the fact that I feel something pulling me towards this for a particular group of children, not just foster children in general, mean that it would be for the wrong reasons? Exactly what is involved in being a foster parent I am a parent, I know that side but of course there could be complications with the child and I don’t know anything about the logistics of the system.

    Full disclosure. We have one child. Both DH and I want another. I have been open to adoption but DH isn’t. I have some concern that this fostering idea carries some baggage with it that I have not fully unpacked. However, my opinion today is that I want to do it to make sure that a child in a very unfortunate circumstance is well cared for until they can be reunited with their family.

    Sorry if this is not the appropriate forum. I would just appreciate some thoughts on this.

    • Anonymous says:

      TL; DR: You will need to consult the relevant agencies in your specific area to determine their requirements.

      I used to work in child protection law. There is a very wide variety of systems and set ups. You would have to consult the relevant agencies in your city/town to determine the process and options. Some agencies will allow you to take only certain types of children – e.g. girls under the age of 12/boys over 15 etc. One key challenge is that a child may live with you for a long period of time and the court may make a decision about their care that you strongly disagree with (return to parent/adoption by relative/adoption by unrelated family etc). That can be very hard.

      A good option in my area is to provide respite care to support to foster care parents. You have to go through all the steps to be registered as a foster home (parenting courses, home inspection etc) but instead of having a child live with you full time, they might come one weekend a month or an overnight every second week etc. The breaks are really important to supporting full time foster parent families and maintain placements when without the respite, the placements might fall apart.

      Hope that helps a bit. Thank you for considering doing this. The foster care system desperately needs more thoughtful and well educated women involved.

    • Anonymous says:

      Foster parent here. What state do you live in? I think you’ll find there is not that much of a need for this population. Extended family members willing to care for a child are the first line resource. Only if there isn’t anyone available would they go to a non-relative and that isn’t especially common in most states for children of deportees. Are you open to any age? That may help your chances some. Generally I think this sounds nice but may not really be meeting a need for a child (meeting your own needs is another story).

      • Anonymous says:

        One other thought – the approval process takes 6 months to a year in many areas. Hopefully this is less of an issue by then. But they will definitely dig into whether or not both of you are on board, so figuring out what your husband wants is important.
        And in many (all?) areas you can pick who you would be willing to care for age/gender wise, but not necessarily race/ethnicity wise. Some states have laws expressly prohibiting the latter.

    • Anonymous says:

      You’re right, there is a lot to unpack here.

      I looked at adopting or fostering during our struggle to get pregnant. Like you, the more I looked the more I worried I was looking at it for the wrong reasons – namely that I, rich white lady, thought I was the perfect person to rescue a child from what was surely an awful life in “the system” or with their birth parents.

      I’m not saying this is the case for you, and you do seem aware of the implications. But I did a lot of reading from the perspective of foster/adoptive moms, and realizing how open you need to be to the child going back to their birth parents (or other family) was tough for me. I realized my problem with it was my very paternalistic view of the birth parents. Who am I to say that I’m ‘better’ than their family?

      You very much need to be open to trusting the system (if the courts say, kiddo is going to Uncle SoandSo in Phoenix) and I wasn’t there yet.

      Again, not trying to project too much of my issues onto you, but the drive to want to foster a specific “type” of child made me think you had similar feelings and might struggle with similar challenges.

    • Thinking about a thing says:

      Thanks everyone. These are the types of thoughts I was looking for.

  13. I think I finally figured out what was triggering my pregnancy migraines: I wasn’t eating enough!

    I was so paranoid about gaining too much weight that I had myself on a pretty strict diet – protein smoothie for breakfast, veggie burger and spinach for lunch, fruit for snacks, etc. Certainly not starving myself – and I didn’t really feel hungry – but I was at a conference this week where our lunch buffet included sandwiches, roasted veggies in oil, bread, salads with cheese…. and I felt SO much better!

    Every single book and website and app is telling me not to gain too much weight and it really freaked me out. But I’d rather not have debilitating migraines if I can avoid it by having some carbs and fat!

    Anyway, don’t beat yourselves up. Growing a human is hard. Eat a bagel. lol.

    • shortperson says:

      i am 11 weeks and cannot stop eating. i’m hungry every hour. i can’t imagine being on a limited diet.

      • I was on the high end of normal BMI before I got pregnant, and I’ve been really worried every appointment they’ll say I’m gaining too much weight. If I were thin before I don’t think I would have been so paranoid.

        They also gave me a book (similar to What to Expect, goes month by month) and for every single complication it was like “Being obese or gaining too much weight is a risk factor! Follow the pregnancy diet!!” It was a little intense. So I was actually trying to follow the diet.

        • I read the “real food for mother and baby” book which was a giant mistake. Common sense on dietary restrictions but lady, I can barely keep cereal down, I’m not going to eat liver!

        • Anonymous says:

          Pogo, FWIW I was that in the same place with BMI and I gained 50 pounds. My son weighed 9 pounds at birth, but he was born at 42 weeks, so that may not have been my fault. Anyway, I lost all but about 7 pounds easily and quickly through just breastfeeding and eating cookies. Those last 7 pounds did eventually multiply a bit when I stopped nursing (and did not stop eating cookies). But if I had had an ounce of postpartum discipline, I probably would have lost it all.

          Honestly, give yourself a break. Not everyone needs to gain the same amount of weight, and the weight gain isn’t linear either.

        • I am normally on the low end of overweight. When I hit the point where I had gained 30 pounds (around 7 months) I became paranoid I had gained too much and they were going to yell at me. I brought it up with the nurse before an appointment and she actually became concerned that I was concerned about gaining too much. She stressed to me that they would bring it up if they were concerned but that I was like 20 pounds away from that even being a potential concern for them. They weren’t concerned about my weight but they were extremely concerned that I was. I didn’t gain any weight at all in the third trimester (despite eating ALL THE FOOD) so my total gain was 30 lbs and baby was 8 lbs 10 oz at birth at 41 weeks and totally healthy. And I lost the weight within 9 months.

          • Thanks for sharing this – I had a doctor yell at me once (ok, speak sternly) that my BMI was close to overweight and it scarred me for years. You make a good point that I can ask the nurse, and if it’s really an issue, they will tell me.

            I just couldn’t believe the improvement in my headaches and general afternoon malaise when I ate more. Previously I wasn’t feeling hunger per se, but obviously some low blood sugar that was leading to me feeling really really awful and bringing on migraines. And then of course having a migraine I didn’t feel like eating at all so… vicious cycle.

    • Thank you for this, pregnancy twin! I’ve been pretty strict with my diet as well as my pregnancy is complicated enough as it is, I didn’t want gestational diabetes on top of it. I told a colleague that I was waking up at 4am starving but refused to eat some cereal because “I didn’t want to be that pregnant lady…” He said “you’re growing a baby, cb”. I had a vegan donut for afternoon snack yesterday and chopped veggies for dinner.

      • shortperson says:

        i had dr praegers spinach bites for my first morning snack. and girl scout cookies for my second.

        i gained 50+ pounds with my first pregnancy and it all came off within the first year so i’m not too worried. and seeing as this is probably my last pregnancy and i usually eat very healthfully and watch my weight i see this as my last chance for all the bakeries.

      • Anonymous says:

        Just an FYI that gestational diabetes isn’t really caused by weight gain. I’m normal BMI and barely gained any weight during my pregnancy (total of 15 lbs) and I ended up developing it. No risk factors at all, I’m healthy, worked out a lot, and no family history of it.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Ugh, I hate getting emails/notes from my son’s teacher when he misbehaves. The teacher isn’t doing anything wrong–she’s letting us know because she wants him to know we know, and for us to reinforce the message she is giving him at home–I just have the same visceral reaction that I did as a kid when I got in trouble at school. Does anyone else struggle with this? He’s 4.5 and has been, thus far, a really easy going kid. I think he’s doing normal 4 year old stuff–the teacher certainly thinks its normal–but I’m not used to this kind of thing.

    • NewMomAnon says:

      I started getting those reports when kiddo was 6 months old – her teachers commented every day on how many blow outs she had, and I took it personally (I know, silly). But I came up with a script that I now use whenever I get a “report” from a teacher. I say, “Thank you for letting me know. If I understand, kiddo did [x thing] today. Can you tell me how you responded? [Listen to teacher’s response] I’ll be on the look out at home. Thanks again for bringing it up.”

      Now that kiddo is older, I make sure to say “I’ll be on the look out at home” within her hearing. It’s important for her to know that I support her teachers and will apply consistent rules at home, or explain to her why the rules aren’t consistent.

      • Anonymous says:

        My issue is less what to say to the teacher and more feeling like this kind of feedback means I’m failing as a parent. In my head I know it isn’t, I just have this feeling like I got caught and I’m in trouble, like I’m the one who is misbehaving. (We also had daily blowouts, but our only report was the daily baggie full of dirty clothes! Our daycare also wasn’t very communicative, so I’m more used to a black hole of info. And my husband does pickups.)

        • Anon in NOVA says:

          I used to be that way as well. One of the preschool teachers used to get me so upset with her notes, I’m getting all worked up thinking about them now and that was a few years ago! hahahahaha!
          They’d feel so passive aggressive “(son) has stated that he would like more variety in his lunches”. “(son) made an odd creation today. said it was a booby trap?! very strange.” etc.
          For me, I think part of it was I felt like I didn’t have the ability to defend myself or respond. It always feels like a bit of a pwoer dynamic.. this person is in charge of my kid all day, I can’t mess up that relationship!!

          • Anonymous says:

            “(son) made an odd creation today. said it was a booby trap?! very strange.”

            This is one of the craziest things I’ve heard. Definitely a reflection on the note writer and not your kid.

          • Anon in NOVA says:

            Right?! He was a 4 year old boy, how is it strange that he made a booby trap?!
            As you can tell I am still worked up about that one.

          • Anonymous says:

            your kid sounds awesome.

        • Anon in NYC says:

          Oh commiseration. My toddler went on a biting streak at school for a while and kept targeting the same kid!! I was getting a phone call at least once a week for a while. Not too long ago she bit a kid (a different one) and he had a really big bruise. I felt terrible.

          • Anon in NOVA says:

            Oh nooo. To be honest, any time I get a phone call about “an incident with another child”, my first instinct is “I hope my kid was on the receiving end”. isn’t that horrible of me?!
            I was the biter as a kid, so I honestly always feel worse for the parents of the biter than my kid the bitee.

    • mascot says:

      I get weekly emails about various behavior issues so I know how hard it is to not take them personally. Recently, I did get one that made me feel better and helped re-frame the issue. His teacher basically said how much they love our son and how he has so many great qualities. They are just baffled sometimes by certain things he does. Guess what, his parents feel the same way. It made me feel better knowing that professionals who’ve worked with kids for years and presumably have all sorts of tricks and know-how also get stumped sometimes. So now I think of the emails as communication and commiseration rather than a critique on my parenting skills. It takes a village.

  15. I think I’m officially having the worst week ever. Think of all the s*** that employees and managers could do wrong and get fired for in a week and I’ve got someone who did it. ARG!!! It’s like they have an HR Bingo card somewhere.

    • Anonymous says:

      I’m sorry, that sucks. On the plus side, it sounds like HR Bingo could be transformed into a great drinking game.

    • Anon in NOVA says:

      bahahaha. HR issues are the worst. I hope you’re in private industry and not government! If you’re in government, enjoy the next 12-18 months of documentation! :-P

  16. Anon in NOVA says:

    Juvederm? anyone have experience with it? I’m 29, but my smile lines are starting to be permanent. Seems easier to deal with it early than wait (I think I heard on the today show once that your face is like paper… it’s easier to not crease it than to smooth it out after it’s creased).
    Anyway, I was considering juvederm or something similar. I don’t want to look unnatural but I’m so not ready to have wrinkles like this! Thoughts? Do I consult a dermatologist or a med spa?

Speak Your Mind